How to Be Close Friends With a Married Woman ?

How to Be Close Friends With a Married Woman ?


There is no big deal being friends or even dating a married woman so far your intent is non sexual. Friendships and relationships strive on understanding of the two parties and also maturity plays a vital role in this kind of relationship. Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman and anyone who put asunder is bound to be doomed. The intent of this article is not to teach you to have sex with a married woman or snatch her from her husband; but its just a guide to having a platonic relationship with a married woman.

 So here goes; someone might say "why being close to a married woman when there are millions of young single ladies out there to be dated and to have a relationship with?" Yes why this question might be logical but you would bear with me that there are people you naturally like or just blend with whether they are married or not, it's just chemistry and nature.

Now I have to warn at this point that if you have to be friends with a married woman you should be very careful. Below are some tips on how to go about this kind of relationship:

1. Make her realise that you like her not for any sexual reasons: I advise to be careful with your choice of words, when talking to her don't be flirty, keep it real and natural. You need to make her understand that you respect the fact that she is married and you just need to be friends with her. If she likes you naturally then it's a plus for you.

2. Be careful with the phone calls: Common sense should tell you when to call a married woman or not; unless she does the calling at this period, then do not call. If she is the regular 8am - 4pm worker, you can send her a text during this period and if she is disposed she can text back or call. Please do not call her from 7pm upwards, you should know that she could be having a happy time with her family. Weekend calls should be avoided unless she opens up communication with you and wants to see you, please do not jeopardize her marriage.

3. Make her family your friend: Yes while this might sound a little awkward but it helps build the relationship. We all know that most men are possessive about their wives; if she introduces you to her husband and you sound and act withdrawn and he ever has a slight feeling of you trying to have an affair with his wife, then the friendship is done for. Instead when you meet her husband be jovial and free, if she got kids better for you - just play with them and make them your friends. If they call you Uncle "good thing". Some ice cream would do though. With these you have got a ticket to the family

4. Erase every erotic thoughts: I am sure you know what adultery is? I am not about advising you to have sex with a married woman as you would be subject to eternal damnation. Secondly if you lure her and finally have sex with her, chances are she would hate you later on when she realises you were a sly fox who just wanted to get her laid. While some married women my enjoy having sex with another man, I don't advise that because it spoils a lot of thing. You should ask yourself how you would feel when you find out that another man slept with your wife.

5. Be careful with the show of emotions: When giving her gifts please do this with care. Do not give a gift that depicts intimacy. This would mean getting her to think wide, most women are touchy people so you should not make her feel you have plans other than just being friends


Want To Attract A Married Woman? Read My Secret Tips To Help You Attract A Married Women With Ease!

Want To Attract A Married Woman? Read My Secret Tips To Help You Attract A Married Women With Ease!


Imagine something for a moment. The wife who lives next door, the housewives who live down the street, the wives you see in the mall on a Sunday morning, every wife you know or could ever bump into: imagine if you had the know-how to seduce half of them; heck, imagine if you could seduce just one percent.

This short article is my attempt to boil down everything you need to know to attract a married woman.
Let me ask you this: why would any guy want to seduce a wife?
Now let me give you some food for thought.
Most men - and, I'm guessing, this applies to you - who want to have relationships with wives do so for sexual encounters or, as they are more commonly known, hookups. A wife, unlike a single woman, is the perfect woman for a man like you or any man. She has no real interest in your career; she could care less if you drive a sports car; she has no interest in the bank balance or the size of your home.

 The married woman is, in fact, not interested in most things that would interest a single woman. She is, in fact, interested in the same thing as you: a sexual meeting.

It is for these very reasons that clever men like yourself want to learn how to attract a married woman.
These ladies want what you want and they are infinitely easier to seduce than women without husbands.
So let me now give you the information you came here to read: my boiled down tips to seduce wives.
To make things more digestible, I'll give you three tips. And these are really all you need to know.
Firstly, married ladies have anxieties about cheating.

It is your job to get rid of these fears. She will worry about being caught, about how it will make her feel, about whether another man can find her attractive, and whether or not she will have regrets. You need to tackle each anxiety. Once she has no fears, she becomes many times more likely to cheat with you.

Secondly, you need to make it very clear to her that you have no intention of wanting more than a fun fling.

Married women looking to cheat want men who are seeking casual relationships. Give her the impression that you want marriage or that you are seeking love and you stand very little chance of seducing her.

And, thirdly, my final tip for how you can attract a married woman. It is a sad fact of life that married relationships become stale.

What I mean is the excitement disappears. And, compounding this, both parties stop making an effort. So what can and should you do? You should bring excitement and fun to her life. Take her on a surprise date to something totally unexpected. Notice her beauty and let her know. Make an effort yourself to look the best you can look (new clothes and men's fragrance work wonders).

Wife seduction always boils down to these three principles. Remember them and you will instantly put yourself ahead of the game!
So, by now you know how to attract a married woman with ease.


My Boyfriend Doesn't Want To Get Married Again Because Of His Nasty Divorce - What Can I Do?

My Boyfriend Doesn't Want To Get Married Again Because Of His Nasty Divorce - What Can I Do?


I sometimes hear from women who are in love with a man who has previously gone through a nasty divorce. This has often left him scarred and not too anxious to walk down the aisle again. And this can be an issue when the new woman in his life wants to be married.

I heard from a wife who said: "I've met a wonderful man and we are compatible in nearly every way. We have endless fun together and I am very happy. I can easily envision myself spending the rest of my life with this man. I love his children as much as I love him. The only problem that we have is our view on marriage. He divorced his first wife 14 months ago. It was a nasty divorce where they fought over custody of the kids.

 It ended up being very expensive and drastically changing his lifestyle because of money. He says that he will never get married again because he never wants there to even be a slight chance that he will go through another divorce. He says he'd never put his family through that again. Well, where does that leave me? I've never been married and I want that family and that security. But he's doing his best to make it clear that marriage is out of the question. I can't bear the thought of walking away from him. What can I do?"

I could feel the raw emotion in this letter. It seemed clear that this couple was a sound match. And the fact that there was only that one issue between them was sad, but certainly not something that couldn't be worked through. As I saw it, there were really two options. She could decide that his reluctance to get married again would be a deal breaker for her because she didn't want to waste valuable time on a potential dead end.

 Or, she could vow to give this some time and then reevaluate her feelings on this issue at a later time, knowing that things can change. I will tell you why I like the second option better.

Why Giving Him More Time Makes More Sense: Frankly, it's my belief that perfect matches with someone who puts butterflies in your stomach is rare. Having a strong relationship with someone with whom you share the same outlook is even more rare. And yet, she had both of these in one man.

Sure, his reluctance to marry again was problematic and she was right to be upset. But the truth is, 14 months is not very long when your family life is turned upside down. Everyone needed time to adjust and to heal. And with time, once he saw that every one came out of the situation just fine, he may well change his mind.

It's very common for people to change their stance on things once the immediacy of the situation wanes. In time, the husband would likely not dwell so much about how his last marriage ended. He might start to remember the good that came out of it - namely, his children. Once this happened, it was possible that he might be more open to marrying again, but there is no need to rush.

This relationship, though wonderful, wasn't all that mature. So it made sense to stay the course and to continue to strengthen the relationship in order to calm his fears and doubts. Because at the end of the day, what this woman wanted was a healthy and happy marriage (and possibly a family of her own.) She made this much more likely if she gave him the time to heal and allowed for their relationship to be as solid as it could possibly be.

I know that it's tempting to rush him or pressure him, but much of the time, this will make him back away even more. You are so much better off making your relationship so good that he no longer has any doubts because he wants to give his entire heart to you when he has healed enough to do this without any doubts or reservations.


SIX Tips for a Happy Married Life ?

SIX Tips for a Happy Married Life ?


I am sad to see many failed marriages. People are busy. They try to emulate others. They compare their spouse with their family members and friends and thereby kill the uniqueness of their relation. Here are few suggestions to fuel your marriage to happiness and make it long-lasting.

1. Uniqueness - As a couple, you must be aware that you are a special and unique. Your story is unique. Your circumstances and experiences are unique. Opportunities and threats for your relation will be unique too. Your relation is a journey. Live through every moment. Don't try to emulate experiences of your siblings, parents and friends. They have their own journey, which is different from yours.

2. Time - No matter how busy you are, take some time out for each other. "I don't have time" or "I am busy with office work" does not work.

3. Individuality - As a couple, you will often be considered as a single unit. However, remember that you two are different individuals and have different identity. There can be disagreement. There can be difference of opinion. It is these differences of opinions that gives strength to your relation and provide the uniqueness. Unfortunately, you didn't marry your clone. Between two of you have space to accommodate these differences. Before you love accept each other as an individual. 

4. Communication - Doesn't matter what medium you decide to choose but communicate as often as possible. Silence is a language too but in this era, it is not as effective as it used to be. Communicate to kill rumours. Communicate to dissolve misunderstandings. Communicate to destroy gossips. If you will not communicate, others will, not for you but about you. Your spouse must be aware of everything about you that can affect the present and future of your relation.

5. Love & Respect - Love is strength of your relation. Love each other without reason. Don't look for occasions to express your love. Express it anyways, all the time. Your love is a reason for your family (next generation); your family is not a reason for your love. It is sad to hear people saying that they are living together for the future of their kids and not because they are in love with each other.

6. Trust - Trust each other and stay loyal. Trust and loyalty are glues that keep the relation together. If you cannot trust one another then you cannot live together, doesn't matter who much you love each other. Love without trust is false and unreal.

Long and happy marriage is not a destination. It is work-in-progress. It requires sincere and honest effort from both the individuals involved in it. Living together shall not be a social responsibility. It must not be a fear. It must not be a compulsion or a duty. It must be passion. It must be fun and enjoyment. And more importantly, it must help you grow - together and individually.


What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Get Married ?

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Get Married ?




It can be emotionally devastating to discover your boyfriend does not want to get married. When it happened to me, I felt extremely confused. Here is what I did to get myself out of the mess, and what I advise you to do too...
Get clear which is more important to you - being married or being with your boyfriend.
Here is the story of how I discovered the power of being clear about what I want...
My relationship nearly ended when I was eager to marry my boyfriend, but he kept making excuses not to get married. Instead of trying to manipulate my boyfriend into changing his mind, I decided to just get clear which was more important to me - being with him or being married. After a few days of thought, I decided that being married was much more important to me than being with a boyfriend who did not want to get married. That is when I told my boyfriend that if he was not going to marry me, we would have to break up. 

I let him know that being married was important to me and that I understood if he did not feel ready. I told him I had to do what is right for me. Because I spoke from a place of power, without the need to blame him, he reconsidered his position and we are now making plans to get married!
Why is it important to be clear about what you want?
Your boyfriend knows his stand on marriage. In order to negotiate, you need to know where your stand is too. The person with the lesser need has more power to negotiate. You can't get what you want unless you are clear about what it is. Being clear about what you want gives you the courage to stay or walk away from this relationship if you have to.
What is the danger of not being clear?
There is confusion. You feel helpless and lost. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You feel upset, yet you don't know why. This is frustrating for your boyfriend too. Worse still, if you are not clear about what you want, you could end up arguing with your boyfriend for the sake of arguing.

 Until you are clear about what you want, you can't make a decision about what to do next in your relationship. Your relationship continues but your heart does not feel safe within it. Instead of having fun with your boyfriend, you are worried about the future of your relationship.
So get clear about which is more important to you - being married or being with your boyfriend. You will know what to do next from there...


Signs That He is Married - 10 Signs That Your Boyfriend is Lying to You ?

Signs That He is Married - 10 Signs That Your Boyfriend is Lying to You?


Are you dating a married man? Learn to spot the tell tell signs of someone lying

Is your date giving you signs that he is married or is being unfaithful to another girlfriend? Is he giving you signals that make you think that he's lying to you? Is there a perfectly innocent explanation for your boyfriends behaviour or is he cheating on someone and lying to you?
Dating someone new can be a great experience but you won't be abe to get the most out of a new relationship until you've made sure that your boyfriend is being honest with you and that he isn't keeping any secrets like the fact that he's married. To do this you need to follow the following 2 steps:
  • Step 1. Learn how to spot that someone is lying or trying to keep a secret from you.
  • Step 2. Do a background check on your boyfriend to fill in the facts.

Step 1. How to spot the signs cheating boyfriends

Really take notice of what your boyfriend does and what he says. Does any of the following 10 signs of a lying boyfriend sound familiar to you?
  1. He ends an Internet chat with you abruptly as if his partner has just walked in.
  2. He doesn't want to give you his home phone number.
  3. He doesn't want you to visit him at his home.
  4. He has a wedding ring - what a giveaway - If you spot this one he's not very bright.
  5. Your intuition tells you that something is wrong? Women are right most of the time.
  6. Sometimes his stories just don't add up. Compare what he tells you on different occasions.
  7. Ask him if he's married and see if he becomes uncomfortable or has trouble answering.
  8. He's secretive.
  9. There seems to be a lot of times when he can't meet you for no apparent reason.
  10. There are some places that you can't go together.
If you recognize any of the signs above then you have cause to be concerned but you must be careful not to jump to conclusions. He might be being secretive because he's planning a romantic occasion for your birthday for instance. You need to get some proof before you put your foot in it and wreck what could have been the start of something special.
Step 2. Find out if he's married by doing an online background check

Even if you don't suspect that your boyfriend is lying it's always a good idea to find out something about his background. He might not be married but he might have a criminal record that he hasn't mentioned to you. The easiest way to find out if he's married or if he has any other secrets that you don't know about is to do a full online background check on him using a public records database. It's easy and quick and it will be well worth your investment just for the peace of mind that you'll get.

Getting Married? 104 Things You Need to Do Before You Get Married, If You Don't Want to Get Divorced !

Getting Married? 104 Things You Need to Do Before You Get Married, If You Don't Want to Get Divorced!


We spend time, money and spirit on planning a wedding.. It's time to plan for a successful and healthy relationship by preparing and getting to know ourselves, the person we are marrying and who we will be as a couple for the rest of our lives.

For You

1. Ask several people, who you are close with, about how they felt when they were about to get married
2. Go to dinner on your own...and don't bring a book
3. Write your own eulogy.
4. Do something you never thought you would do
5. Write down 10 lessons that you've learned in life so far
6. Make a vision board of how you see your life in 5 yrs and 10yrs
7. Rekindle a relationship that meant something to you
8. Travel to another country on your own
9. Go on a trip with your friends
10. Figure out your boundaries limits and deal breakers
11. Decide your what your definition of marriage is (forever or until it doesn't work)
12. Figure out what will change for you once you get married (your name, where you live
13. Decide what marriage is to you (a religious stage or legal status)
14. Spend time with your partners family and friends with out them
15. Make time for yourself and to spend time with your friends
16. Get in shape
17. Eat well if you don't already
18. Stay in bed all day and night reading, watching tv or what ever you like to do in bed
19. Go over health insurance, legal papers and will
20. Pay off as much debt as you can
21. Come to terms with what you feel about alcohol, drugs and smoking
22. Consider not marrying this person and see how it feels
23. Do a wine tasting
24. Attend at least 5 seminars, workshops or classes about love, sex, relationships, marriage or all of the above
25. Join a sports team or do yoga
26. Spend one whole day pampering yourself
27. Take an art class
28. Find your passion
29. Masturbate until orgasm
30. Watch porn or go to a strip club
31. Commit to improving something about yourself every day
32. Ask your friends and family how they feel about who you decided to marry
33. Make a commitment to be true to who you are
34. Wake up every day and say "love _____ and I love my life"

For your partner

1. Give them the last bite of a great dessert
2. Listen more than you speak
3. Reiterate what he/she tells you in your own words to make sure you understood what they meant
4. Accentuate their positive qualities
5. Talk about things you know they're interested in
6. Ask them how their day was
7. Greet them with a smile and a kiss
8. Ask you're in-laws permission to marry their son/daughter
9. Remind your partner daily about all their positive attributes
10. Take care to look in your partners eyes when they are talking to you
11. Commit to doing whatever it takes to please your partner sexually
12. Always take your partners opinion into consideration
13. Ask your partner what he/she would like to do before the marriage and help him/her do it
14. Steal moments
15. Plan a romantic date
16. Plan an adventurous date
17. Tell your partner about any health issues you may have
18. Ask your partner about the things that trigger anger in them
19. Decide to never disrespect your partner (especially in front of others)
20. Realize that there are just some things your partner does that you won't understand
21. Ask your partner to share a meaningful childhood experience with you
22. Ask your partner to share a scary experience from childhood with you
23. Balance humility with confidence
24. Have phone sex
25. Talk dirty in bed
26. Whisper in their ear how lucky you are to have them in your life while out with friends/family
27. Whisper in their ear, in public how sexy they look and what you're going to do to them when you get home
28. Talk to their friend when they are upset or need a shoulder to cry on
29. Confide in your partner about important decisions
30. Help them accomplish something they never thought they could
31. Learn how to cook their favorite meal
32. Get them to try something they never thought they would
33. Make yourself available when they are upset (no matter what)
34. Surprise them with a gift or flowers for no reason
35. Do that thing you promised you would do, but haven't got to.

Sexual Seduction Techniques - How to Get Married Women in Bed !

Sexual Seduction Techniques - How to Get Married Women in Bed!


Many men are looking to seduce married women. This is not surprising since there are a number of challenge and a great deal of intrigue involved. The rewards of success can be far greater than any single woman. Certainly the sheer exhilaration of success in this area will make the additional challenge worth it.

In many ways, married women are no different from any other woman. They still have the same needs: The need to feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Where the seducer may have an advantage in seducing married women is in how he can demonstrate to her that he can fulfill those needs. She needs to know that it is a two way street and that it is about her also.

Make no mistake about it, however, to be successful in this area, your game will have to be advanced. This is very different from just trying to get the attention of some young woman in a bar. Married women are far more apt to be in public places, in earshot of passers-by, and quite possibly her children.

Here are a few tips that you can use right now:
Find a discrete moment. You know very well that she does not want to be noticed talking to someone who is not her husband, and if you are not discrete about it, people will notice.

Let her know that it would just be a one time thing. Chances are, she does not want to ruin her marriage, she only wants a momentary distraction.

Begin with a simple, non- sexual complement. If she has been married for any length of time, I can assure you, she doesn't hear that anymore.

If you want to be successful at seducing women, then you will need to be in control of every female encounter.

The Role of a Married Woman !

The Role of a Married Woman !


A married woman is one who has settled in wedlock. This means that they have a husband and in many cases, children who then make up a family. A married woman is not free to see or date other men because she is dedicated and committed to one husband.

 The institution of marriage started a very long time ago and, it is the most recognized unit that makes up society. Married women behave in a certain way so that they can live up to their marital status. However, there are many women who get married but never really know what it means. Therefore, it is paramount that you know exactly what your restrictions are and how to be your best. 

First, a married woman has to recognize her role in society and in the family. She has the role of being a companion to the husband. Therefore, when you get married, you are taking a deliberate step to be the closest friend to your husband. It is very exciting having a wife who is your helper at all times.
However, the definition of helper has since changed. Modern wives will not participate directly in helping their husband. However, this help is physical, emotional and psychological. There are so many women who perform the role perfectly but, it is not always easy to do this. A married woman needs to forget about her single life and concentrate on her married life. Many find that marriage is not what they thought it would be and,

they find themselves back in their single mentality. After wedlock, all the priorities of a woman change to ensure that the husband comes first. This is the only way you are going to achieve great results in marriage. All married women need to know that marriage is a beginning and, there is a lot of hard work that will determine everyday success. Therefore, the first role is to change your attitude and make sure that you enter a marriage mode. The next thing you will find is responsibility. You are responsible for the upkeep of both your husband and children if any.


You will have to cut some relationships and strive to arrive home earlier than you did when you were single. The best way to learn the roles that are upon you is to have a chat with older women like your mother and grandmother. If you have problems, seek their advice and, know how you can improve. Times may have changed but we need the wisdom of people who excelled in marriage.

 The first years of marriage prove to be very difficult for a woman but as you proceed you will get used to it. Like you enter into a new hobby or interest, it will take some time before you adjust. When you make it through the first two years, you will definitely master some of the things that pertain to a marriage. Always be a student when married and you will find yourself improving on areas that would have otherwise been very difficult for you.


Stay Married and Avoid Divorce - What Couples Should Know ?

Stay Married and Avoid Divorce - What Couples Should Know ?


It is sad that divorce is such a common thing now in this modern generation. It seems that marriage becomes disposable when the going gets tough and divorce becomes a solution to get out of troubled marriage. While divorce could work for some couples, it is a known fact that having a divorce is not only financially draining; it is also emotionally depressing to the couples and the children. Why it is best to stay married and avoid divorce? Keep reading and know the reasons why.

You are being true to your commitment and vows if you will stay married and avoid divorce. Couples made a commitment to stay together till death and through thick and thin. Maybe now that you are experiencing difficulties in your marriage, you realized that the vows you promised on your wedding ceremony are really hard to keep and staying married is really difficult. It might be interesting for you to know that there are studies that people who choose to resolve the problems in their marriage and stayed married are happier and lives longer. 

Being true to your commitment despite the difficulties and choosing to save your marriage is an opportunity to lead a happier life and relationship.
It is important to stay married and avoid divorce to build a home, family and strong community with your children. Raising your kids on your own is not easy. Parents can raise better kids if they are together as couples. It is a fact that children of divorced parents are more difficult to handle than those children from intact families. Due to the changes and inconsistencies in their lives after the divorce of their parents, their lives become harder and some drop out of school, get entangled with drugs or alcohol problems and develops unpleasant behaviors. 

The family is an essential and basic social unit of the community. The family is the most important institution and children need a family to survive. We can build a good nation if the children are raised with the father and mother living together as couples. While couples need to take care of each other, they also need to take care of the entire marriage including the children or the family. When marriages are doing well, the families will also do well and so do the communities in this world. When the smallest unit of the community, which is the family, is doing well, it follows that couples are building a strong and progressive community.
Divorce is financially draining. One reason to stay married and avoid divorce is to stay financially stable with your spouse. It is easier to attain financial stability when you are married than when you are divorced. Divorce is really expensive and after the divorce is finalized, you will find yourself in financial mess. 

The divorce lawyer's fees, child support if you are the higher earner spouse could leave you financially challenged and you are on your way to bankruptcy if you do not know how to handle the financial aspect of getting divorced. If you are the low earner or non-working spouse, you need to find a job at once to rebuild your life or accept to live a low standard of living.
Starting a relationship all over again is not that easy. Chances are if you are divorced, you will meet people who are also divorced. Although marrying again could work for some people, it does not mean it is easy. If you will end up with another divorced person, he or she comes with the same baggage as you are like children,

 financial mess, feeling of being a failure, fear of starting over again etc. You think life with your first marriage is complicated and problematic? Have you thought of how hard it is to be a step dad or step mom? How about dealing with the issues of new spouse's ex-wife or ex-husband and their kids? Plus of course you have to deal with the feelings of your own kids about you dating again and finding a potential spouse again.

 Would it be easier to stay married and avoid divorce and work on your marital problems to save your marriage? The thing is, life becomes more complicated after divorce.
Divorce has its ugly side, would it be easier to stay married with the same man or woman you promised to be with for the rest of your life than suffer the ugly side of divorce? If your spouse is abusive or has drugs or alcohol problems, then by all means leave and divorce your spouse. But if the problems are not like those mentioned,

 there is always a chance to save your troubled marriage. If you think divorce is an easy way out and you are willing to go through the unknown and start a relationship again with someone new, then why not divert that willingness to saving your own marriage and rekindle the love and passion you both once have? Stay married and avoid divorce visit Save Your Marriage
For more dating, love and relationship guides visit The Best Love Guide
Gerry Restrivera writes informative articles on various subjects including Stay Married and Avoid Divorce- What Couples Should Know. You are allowed to publish this article in its entirety provided that author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and included with every reproduction.


Get Married Young - How to Get Engaged at an Early Age ?

Get Married Young - How to Get Engaged at an Early Age ?


As a young lady with the dream of having a family as early as 18 or 20 years old, you've probably said many times, "I want to get married young." And of course to achieve that goal, you need to find a willing partner, a man who wants to marry you at that age. Based on the statistics in this day and age though, having that happen is easier said than done.

One of the biggest reasons why marriage happens less often and women stay single longer is because they have difficulty getting their boyfriends to propose. The other reason is because so many couples find themselves missing out on the keys to making a marriage last. Therefore the divorce rate escalates and that sets the example for the generations to come.

Heck, who wants to get married if you're just going to get divorced right?

Fortunately for you, there is actually good news in the midst of these gloomy facts. That is that getting your boyfriend to marry you when he isn't ready is actually easier than you might think. Plus, making your marriage last has much better odds as well... when you apply the tips here to make it happen.

There are certain things that are important for you to know to get an unwilling boyfriend to propose. And keeping these things in mind during the course of your marriage will help keep the two of you sailing along smoothly on the sea of love.
Here are the tips you need to know.

First, you must understand that men and women process feelings differently. As a female you know how you respond when your emotions are involved. You also know the impact that love has on those emotions.

For men though, it's different. You can liken their emotional responses to "gut instinct."
You'll have a feeling and your heart will tell you what to do with it. Men will have the feeling and they will go with their gut instinct to process it. And trust me, a heart and a gut respond to things in completely different ways.

What your goal needs to be is to take that love feeling he has for you and combine it with his gut instinct in such a way that the idea of marrying you just makes perfect sense. When it makes that kind of sense then putting a ring on your finger is simply a given thing not only that he must do... but that he enthusiastically wants to do.

So how do you do that?
Well, you have to be the perfect fit for him in such a way that while by himself he is strong and powerful, when you are added to the mix... he becomes a "force to reckon with." He feels literally unstoppable.

Okay, you're probably thinking that sounds great... but what will that take? Valid question. Here are a few ideas.
What that requires is you being a strong independent woman who is confident and happy on your own. Having him around is the perfect compliment for you as well.

In addition to that though you'll need to give him the encouragement and support he needs by subtly guiding him. You need to give him space and appreciate and respect the fact that he needs that space.

The most important thing you can do to get engaged now is revealed in this free video. Discover the biggest secret to what a man wants in a woman so he will propose and this get married young!


Social Security, Retirement Benefits, and Divorce ?

Social Security, Retirement Benefits, and Divorce ?

Social Security in the United States refers directly to a lesser known federal Old Age, Survivors and Disability Insurance program or OASDI. The program was originally rolled out in the 1930's in an attempt to limit what were seen as dangers to the American way of life such as increased life expectancy, poverty, and fatherless children. So the Social Security Act, signed in 1935, created social insurance programs to provide benefits to retirees, the unemployed, and as well as a lump sum benefit to the family at death.

 Many amendments have been made since the original Social Security Act of 1935. Most importantly; Medicare was added in 1965. The Social Security Act of 1965 also recognized for the first time that divorce was becoming a common cause for the end of marriages and added divorcees to the beneficiary list.
The largest component of benefits is retirement income.

 Throughout a person's working life the Social Security Administration keeps track of income and taxpayers fund the program via payroll taxes also known as FICA (Federal Insurance Contributions Act) taxes. The amount of the monthly benefit to which the worker is entitled depends upon the earnings record and upon the age at which the retiree chooses to begin receiving benefits.

FICA taxes are 7.65% for employees and 15.3% for self employed individuals. The amount of taxes paid is not directly used to calculate an individual's benefit. The rate is broken down into two parts: Social Security and Medicare. The portion is 6.2% and is paid on a maximum of $106,800 of income for 2009. The income maximum is also known as a wage base. The Medicare portion is 1.45% on all earnings. These rates are set by law and haven't changed since 1990. The wage base for Social Security is indexed each year for inflation and Medicare has maintained an unlimited base since 1993.


Self employed person's pay double the amount of tax because the employer is responsible for the other half of an employee's liability. A self employed individual is both employer and employee. There are wages not subject to FICA taxes including some state and local government employees who participate in alternative programs such as CalSTRS and CalPERS. Each state and local government unit with a pension plan decides whether to elect Social Security and Medicare coverage.

Civilian federal employees are covered by Medicare but usually not Social Security.
The earliest age at which reduced benefits are payable is 62. The age at which full retirement benefits are available is dependent upon the taxpayers age. An increase of regular retirement age was enacted to reduce the amount of benefits payable. For those currently over age 70 the normal age was 65. Anyone born after will fall somewhere on increasing scale which climbs incrementally to age 67 depending upon birth date. Anyone born after 1960 must reach age 67 for normal retirement benefits. Delaying receipt of benefits will increase a taxpayer's benefit until age 70.


Benefits are paid from taxes collected from other tax-payers. This makes it a pay as you go system and will eventually be directly responsible for the downfall of the program. At least as we know it today. In 2009, nearly 51 million Americans will receive $650 billion in Social Security Benefits. Economists project that payroll taxes will no longer be sufficient to fund benefits somewhere in the next 10 to 15 years. Once we can't cover the expense from cash flow, the program will begin drawing down the trust fund it has accumulated during times of surplus taxes.

We can only speculate what happens when the trust fund runs out. This is the cause for concern often discussed in the news and other media. The fix for this problem is the subject of much political posturing including that witnessed in President Bush's 2005 State of the Union address.


The first reported Social Security payment was to Ernest Ackerman, who retired only one day after Social Security began. Five cents were withheld from his pay during that period, and he received a lump-sum payout of seventeen cents from Social Security. This might give you an indication of how Social Security handles business.


A current spouse is eligible to receive survivor benefits equal to 100% of the deceased worker's benefit if they have reached normal retirement age.

Divorced spouses are eligible for benefits equal to one half of the worker's benefit if they were married for 10 years have not remarried and are at least 62 years old. This is called a derivative benefit. A spousal applicant must wait until the worker has reached retirement age, 62, in order to apply for benefits. The worker is not required to have applied for benefits in order for the ex-spouse to apply for spousal benefits. They are not entitled to increases for benefits taken after normal retirement age.

If a worker has died and the ex-spouse has reached full retirement age they can receive 100% of the worker's benefit as survivor benefits.

If an applicant is between age 62 and their normal retirement age; the application for benefits will be based on the applicant's earnings record. If one half of an ex-spouse's benefit is greater than the applicant's benefit on their own record; the applicant can choose to take whichever is greater. If you wait until your normal retirement age and file for spousal benefits you can continue to accrue benefits and enhancements for delaying your own retirement up until your age 70.


An ex-spouse's receipt of derivative benefits on the worker's record does not reduce the worker's benefits. It is even possible for more than one ex-spouse to collect on the worker's derivative benefits. This could lead to as much as 500% of the original benefit being claimed by the five ex-spouses.


Windfall Elimination Provision and Government Pension Offset Provision
For those worker's who are covered by a pension based on their own earnings not covered by Social Security a different method of computing benefits applies. The alternative method is called the Windfall Elimination Provision (WEP) and was created to close a loophole that enabled worker's who earned benefits in covered and non-covered employment from being labeled a low-earning worker and receiving a disproportionately large Social Security benefit.


The formula is weighted in favor of low earners because such a person is more dependent on Social Security. If the WEP is applicable it reduces a worker's Social Security benefit by 50% of the worker's pension benefit up to a maximum of $380.50 in 2010.

If you earned a pension based on work where you did not pay Social Security taxes, your Social Security spousal or derivative benefits may be reduced. The Government Pension Offset Provision (GPO) was enacted to treat retired government employees who had not contributed to Social Security similarly to retirees who had. The GPO reduces derivative benefits by two-thirds of other government pensions received. This can reduce Social Security benefits to zero.


The truly important ramification of the WEP and GPO on Social Security retirement benefits comes into play during divorce proceedings. Federal Law makes Social Security benefits the separate property of the party that earned them.


They are not assignable or divisible in a family law court and not considered an asset of the community in California.

Government and other pensions, on the other hand, are considered community property in the state of California to the extent benefits were earned during marriage. Derivative benefits under the Social Security program for ex-spouses would seem, at first glance to remedy the problem.

The non-worker spouse get's half of the worker's retirement benefit via derivative benefit payments. Getting to the true ramifications of the WEP and GPO during divorce proceedings requires sound financial planning.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/334953

How to Find a Divorce Recovery Group in Your Area !

How to Find a Divorce Recovery Group in Your Area !

To find a Divorce Recovery group in your area, there are several places you might search:


1. The Internet - Google; divorce recovery group or divorce support group, your city, state.

2. The newspaper, local magazines.

3. Local Churches in your area (use the internet to view their websites, look up phone numbers, name(s) of who to contact.)

4. Community Centers

5. Networking, ask divorce related professionals such as attorneys, therapist specializing in divorce, co-workers, friends, acquaintances.

How to decide which group to attend? Things you should consider:


Are your values and beliefs consistent with the foundation of the program? What is most important to you in a group? What do you hope to get out of the group? Is the location convenient and does the time and day of the week work in your schedule? Will the group cover a specific topic or area of concern where you need help? If you are a Christian Believer you may benefit most from a Christ centered program.

Do not feel that you have to belong to a particular church to attend their Divorce Recovery group. These groups are generally open to the community. The best way to get a feel for a group is to contact the person organizing the group and ask questions.

Questions you may want to ask about the group:


1. How long is the program? 8 weeks? 10 weeks?

2. How often is it offered? Twice a year?

3. Who leads the group and what is their background or qualifications?

4. How is the program structured? A lecture or video and then small group?

5. Is it an individuals program? Is it based on a book? Is it a branded program?

6. Are there any requirements to participate?

7. Are there any costs? If so, how much? Do they offer scholarships if people need them?

8. How many people can attend the group? Is there a limit?

9. When does the group meet and where?

10. Is there homework? How much of a time commitment will it be?

11. Is there a program for children? Do they offer childcare?

A couple of Divorce Recovery Programs you may find in your area:


DivorceCare is an organization with thousands of seminars and support groups that meet weekly throughout the US, Canada and nearly 20 other countries and territories. If you click on the link you can find a group near you. The neat thing about DivorceCare groups is that you can join at any time.

 If you miss the beginning of the group it does not matter. Each of the 13 weeks covers a different topic, so you can jump in any time and keep going until you have gone through each of the topics. DivorceCare is a Christian based program.

DivorceCare does offer a program for children called DivorceCare for kids. If you have children your kids can be attending a support group for them while you are participating in the adult program. The DivorceCare for kids is not always offered with the adult program, but the Internet will show you which locations offer the kids program.

How to Stop the Divorce After One Spouse Has Filed - You Must Act Quickly to Stop the Divorce !

How to Stop the Divorce After One Spouse Has Filed - You Must Act Quickly to Stop the Divorce !

 ow to stop the divorce after one spouse has filed is what most people are interested in knowing. Some people are confused and depressed when their spouse starts the divorce process to end their marriage. If you want to make it easier for you to stop the divorce proceedings, you must act quickly before it is too late. A lot of people make what we usually call common mistakes when trying to stop the divorce after one spouse have filed. As soon as the divorce is filed, they naturally start reacting in certain ways that prevents genuine reconciliation.

 If you want to know how to stop your divorce and save your marriage, you must be willing to invest in yourself. You must be willing to educate.

You must be aware right away that you do not have any legal right to stop your spouse from divorcing you. However, there are things you can do to delay the divorce process, if your spouse wants a divorce. The only way you can stop the divorce after a filing has been done is to persuade your spouse that divorce is not the best answer. If your spouse agrees the two of you should fix the marriage, the divorce proceedings can be easily stopped. If you can motivate your spouse to consider how much better of it will be when you both fix the marriage, you may be able to stop the divorce.


There are certain things you may need to do and follow in order to make your spouse to stop the divorce process. Some of these things include:


Be honest with your spouse. This is one of the critical things you need to do if you want to stop the divorce after one spouse has filed. Repent from every known sin. This is the first thing to do. If your spouse wants divorce because of some acts of infidelity or cheating on your part, this is the time to show that you are truly sorry and will never mess up again. Let your spouse know without doubt that you are a changed person, old things have passed away.


Accepting the issues in your marriage. There is no doubt that your spouse is filing for divorce for a number of reasons. You must accept the issues, identify them and agree to deal with them in a healthy and positive manner. Let your spouse see that you are already making the best efforts to fix the issues with the marriage for good.


Commitment. Are you committed to the success of the marriage? Commitment is complete loyalty to your spouse. Show your spouse that you are committed to his/her welfare, well-being and happiness. If you find that you are more committed to your job, business, friends and other family members than your partner, you must quickly retrace your steps.


Show maturity. A mature person is emotionally, spiritually and mentally developed enough to handle circumstances and deal wisely with the issues of life. If your spouse should file for divorce, there is no doubt that you were unable to deal with the many issues in your marriage. Show maturity by calmly taking time to deal with every unresolved issue in the marriage. Provide a relaxed, calm environment where both of you can discuss and fix the marriage.


Seek out help. Consider seeking out those who have successfully built a long lasting and happy marriage, since they may be empathetic and helpful to you. Their genuine love and advice will help you to handle the issues in your marriage. You can change your associates and even go for counseling as a demonstration of your strong desire for change.

Once your spouse has agreed to remain in the marriage, you should encourage her to seek out legal help to stop the divorce proceedings. This must be done quickly before the judgment is finalized.


 

A Default Divorce Takes Power Away From The Unresponsive Spouse ?

A Default Divorce Takes Power Away From The Unresponsive Spouse ?

Some spouses involved in a marital dissolution mistakenly believe that if they choose not to sign their court forms or opt to disappear altogether, the other spouse won't be able to get a divorce as a result and the two will remain married for the long haul.


Luckily for the spouse who does the filing for divorce, the family law court has recognized that this particular scenario occurs quite often.

And, there is even a name for it.

The term that describes this divorce situation is coined the "default divorce."
As such, a law has been implemented to allow the divorce process to continue regardless if the opposing spouse makes the choice to ignore the paperwork that has been served upon him or her.


A law as strict as they come, the divorce court and presiding divorce judge will penalize an unresponsive spouse by taking away his or her privileges during divorce.

What does this mean for the uncooperative party?
The spouse who opened up the divorce case will receive everything he or she has asked for when it comes to aspects such as property division, child support and/or spousal support amounts, and custody and visitation schedules for any minor children born of the marriage.

Meanwhile, the court views a lack of response as that spouse's way of saying he or she does not care how the dissolution proceeds.

The phrase "be careful what you wish for" fits amply into the mix at this juncture.
By not providing a response, the indifferent spouse is given exactly what he or she has requested - absolutely no further rights or participation in the case, and the subsequent inability to make any kind of marital decision thereafter before the final judgment for divorce is granted by the judge.

However, it is important to note that a default divorce is not as simple as one spouse choosing to become scarce or not to sign the papers, and the other spouse receiving all that is asked for as a result.

Although the family law courts have come up with the default method to allow divorces to become final regardless of an unresponsive opposing party, there are still many steps the petitioning spouse must take before the default judgment is granted.

For example, the spouse who originally filed the case has to show proof to the court that an attempt was made to get in touch with the other party.

This is done by publishing an ad containing a copy of the divorce summons. The publishing is done in the local paper belonging to the city where the contemptuous party was last known to have resided.
But before the ad goes to print, an application for permission to publish it must first be filed with the court.
Known as an ex parte application and filed without notice to the other party (hence the name 'ex parte,'), the "Ex Parte Application For Publication Of Summons" form makes the court aware that the petitioning spouse is planning on using this method to try and get in contact with the other party and alert him or her to the court action at hand.


Filed along with the Ex Parte Application For Publication Of Summons is the "Declaration In Support Thereof" and the "Order For Publication Of Summons."

When these documents have been approved by the judge, the petitioning spouse can then go ahead with publication of the ad containing the divorce summons.

The ad must run for four consecutive weeks, with a period of at least five days between each publication, to give the responding party plenty of notice that he or she is being sued for divorce.

And if that spouse still ignores the pending court action, the petitioning spouse can then move forward in obtaining a default judgment.

What else is involved in the process of obtaining a default divorce judgment?
In a normal divorce proceeding where each party will sign the documents, the next step would be to sign and notarize the Marital Settlement Agreement.

How To Get A Divorce The Easy Way !

How To Get A Divorce The Easy Way !

How to get a divorce is a question that should be taken very seriously. The actions you take or do not take in the very beginning can make or break you financially. Getting a divorce can be complicated and expensive. Dealing with the fact that your marriage is over is difficult enough, but unlike a breakup with a boyfriend, ending a marriage involves legal implications, property division and support and care of any children you may have together.


Too often a divorce that should have been simple and clean cut turns into a nasty battle that can cost both you thousands in attorney fees, emotional distress, and psychological damage to your kids.

 So why isn't there a simple, easy way to divorce without destroying your family, finances and any chance of a civil relationship with your ex? The answer may surprise you. Often the first thing someone does when trying to figure out how to get a divorce is hire a divorce lawyer. This is often done without much serious research, your neighbor may of recommended her attorney and you hire the first lawyer you interview.


This is a huge mistake. You must be very careful about choosing a divorce attorney. Why many divorces end up in bitter, long drawn out battles, is because of the divorce attorney himself. Shockingly, many divorce lawyers do not want you to amicably settle your divorce.

After all, this is how they make their living. If you or your spouse falls into the hands of an unscrupulous divorce attorney, your divorce can become a nightmare.

Some of the signs to watch out for are divorce lawyers who encourage you to "get everything". They reassure you that you will win your divorce and get the majority of the marital assets.

They boost your confidence and give you false hope. The truth is that most states have specific laws about the division of property and assets in a divorce. Some states split martial assets between divorcing couples while others use equitable distribution.


The divorce attorney's goal is drag your case out long enough so that he can use up your retainer and get additional funds from you. Other ways he may do this is by not answering the opposing attorney's phone calls and offers to settle. He may not file the appropriate court documents and have court dates adjourned, all while charging you by the hour.


The easiest and most simple way to get a divorce is to first seek out a mediator. Now this will only work if your spouse agrees. Before hiring divorce lawyers, see if the two of you can settle things in a civil manner and divide you assets fairly. If this is impossible, then you need to do your research and find the best divorce lawyer in town. Ask people you know for recommendations and then follow up by visiting with several lawyers before making your final choice.

You want to find a divorce lawyer who is ethical, honest and has a history of successful cases. Ask for references. A lawyer, who is well known and has a good reputation, especially at your local family court, can be a huge asset.


Most of all, keep in mind that divorce is not always fair and chances are neither of you will be completely happy with your settlement in the end. It is a give and take process.

If you are faced with a vengeful, out of control spouse, you will need to protect yourself and your finances, by having the best representation you can hire. Learning how to get a divorce can be a draining, time consuming process, but if you do your homework and keep your emotions in check, you can have a positive divorce outcome.

Divorce and Child Depression - Are They Related !

Divorce and Child Depression - Are They Related !

Divorce and child depression may very well go hand in hand as parental separation and divorce can be totally devastating for children and teenagers.


Major life changing events are usually the cause of depression, with divorce topping the scale for children and teen depression. Imagine how hard it is to watch the two people you love the most no longer living and guiding you together as it was. With the family unit broken, lives turned upside down you may have to watch for the onset of child depression.


Children and teens often feel stuck in the middle of their parents divorce and not understanding the new rules to which apply to their new lives. They have a very hard time excepting the realism of divorce and finality that comes with the termination of a marriage.


Every persons reaction and coping mechanisms are different. While many children will handle this new situation with relatively few problems or permanent negative effects while for others, the act of divorce can be very traumatic and long-lived.


The trauma created by divorce is determined by the child's experience of the event, not simply the event itself. Every child in the family could have a dramatically different emotional reaction to the changes related to divorce. Some children believe that they caused the breakdown of the marriage.


Your attitude and coping skills will shape your children's attitude. The words and actions you choose can either expose your children to unnecessary emotional pain or help them develop in positive ways.
Depression and anxiety may start at the separation by my occur for years after the divorce. It may also reoccur during special events, weekends, holidays, birthdays or any time your child misses the complete family unit.


Here are some steps to decrease the chance of your divorce and child depression

1. Honesty is the best policy: Be honest with yourself about the potential for emotional trauma in your individual children.

2. Communication: Allow your children to communicate openly with each parent.

3. Choices: By offering your children choices, whenever possible, will increase their sense of control over their lives.

4. Support: Get the proper support for yourself and your children, It may differ for each individual.

5. Normal Activities: By keeping life as normal as you can with the same routine, same activities.

There is nothing more agonizing in divorce than seeing the effect it has on your child? Even though the marriage ending may be a good thing the result it has on children can still be devastating. Learning ways to help your children cope with the negative long and short term effects of separation and divorce can help to prevent depression and decrease the effects of divorce and child depression.

Faye B. Roberts is an independent researcher and author on depression and divorce and is assisting others in their quest to understand the chain reaction this can cause. Discover a new way of thinking and coping with divorce and depression that will change the way you look, feel and live your life.

International Divorce in the Caribbean ?

International Divorce in the Caribbean ?

You have probably heard of people jetting off to the Caribbean to get married. But did you know, you can also legally divorce in a foreign country, no matter where you happen to be located right now?

A vinculo matrimonii is a Latin term literally meaning "from the chains of matrimony." It has come to mean a complete and final divorce, as opposed to a legal separation.With up to half of all marriages in the western world ending in divorce, nearly all of us find ourselves at some time dealing with either our own divorce or that of a close family member or friend. Divorce is frequently a tragedy for all concerned, but it can be also be an opportunity for positive change and a fresh start. A speedy, amicable, affordable, and legally valid decree of divorce from a foreign country may well be 'just what the doctor ordered.'

The idea of offshore divorces is relatively new to most people in the western world. When it comes to divorce, it's always been a matter of "Do-As You-Are-Told" by a local lawyer, whose main purpose is to drag out the process for as long as possible in order to extract from you the highest possible fees!

In many US jurisdictions you have to wait 30-90 days or even up to two years. This is even if both parties approach the divorce mutually agreeing to it, without any fuss or fanfare - and that's also after all the financial wheeling and dealing!

Elsewhere, things are even worse. In Ireland you have to wait four years at an absolute minimum. In the Philippines, you can simply never ever get divorced!

The Origins of "Quickie" Divorces

Mexico can be credited with inventing the "quickie" foreign divorce business. The jet-set of the fifties and sixties frequently flew to Acapulco to obtain fast divorces. Later Tabasco, the smallest state in Mexico, made a brief foray into the offshore divorce business.

However, all that is ancient history. Amendments to the Mexican Nationality and Naturalization Law which took effect in March 1971 require that an alien be a legal resident of Mexico before he or she may apply for a Mexican divorce. Becoming a legal resident is a rather complicated, time-consuming process, taking several months. Because of these restrictions, few foreigners will find it practical to attempt a Mexican divorce.

Incredibly, even though Mexican quickie divorces were stopped in the 1970s, we have found people as of 2006 still offering them for sale on the internet. This is a scam of which potential divorcees should be forewarned.


Fast Divorces on the Island of Hispaniola

Today, the fastest divorces in the Western Hemisphere are to be found a short flight from Miami, Florida - on the island of Hispaniola, just next to Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands.

In 1971, just a few months after religious interests caused the Mexican congress effectively to knock on the head the Mexican "quickie divorce" business which had grown popular during the 1960s, an enterprising Mexican lawyer persuaded lawmakers in the Dominican Republic to pass law #142 allowing por vapor instant divorces for non-residents. Not to be outdone, in 1974 the Republic of Haiti (the Dominican Republic's smaller neighbour on the island of Hispaniola) passed similar laws, that are in fact even more 'user friendly.'

This type of divorce has become popularly known as the 'VIP Divorce', because over the years numerous celebrities and thousands of other famous people have taken advantage of these liberal divorce laws. To name a few, in no particular order: Elizabeth Taylor, Mia Farrow, George Scott, Mike Tyson, Robin Givens, Richard Burton, Sylvester Stallone, Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley, Diana Ross, Jane Fonda, Mariah Carey, Marc Anthony, and Tommy Mottola (the former president of Sony records).

Yes, sure these people have money. But Caribbean divorces don't have to cost as much as you might expect! They are becoming more and more popular with ordinary citizens - and above all with global citizen families, who may well have roots in more than one jurisdiction already.

 Dominican Republic v Haiti
Today, despite its ups and downs, the Dominican Republic is a successful economy and a pleasant country to visit, boasting a highly developed tourist sector. Therefore, it's preferable to divorce in the Dominican Republic where possible. Haiti, in contrast, is the poorest country in the western hemisphere and much less stable - though of course that doesn't make its laws any less valid.

The big difference between the two is that in the Dominican Republic, mutual consent is required. The defendant spouse doesn't have to travel there, but will be required to appear in person to sign papers agreeing to the divorce in a Dominican consulate elsewhere in the world.

In Haiti, however, unilateral divorce is allowed. This is useful where spousal consent cannot be obtained for whatever reason, but a divorce is required for remarriage, business purposes or simply for a fresh start. The process requires public notices in Haiti informing the spouse of the impending action, following which a default judgement granting the divorce is issued if no reply is received within twenty-one days.

Recognition by Other Jurisdictions

As you might already have guessed, the big question on most people's minds is whether this type of offshore divorce will be legally recognised in their home countries, or wherever else they need it to be recognised.
Unfortunately, this is also one of the most difficult questions to answer. But in a few words, the answer is generally positive! Here's why...

First of all, "offshore" divorce is perfectly legal. No doubt about that. There is no law we know of anywhere in the world that prohibits people from going to another country and getting divorced.

Whether it is accepted where you live depends in practice on whether anyone disputes it. It's a fact that worldwide, more than 99.9% of divorces are never disputed. The only person who is likely to dispute the divorce would be your spouse. Most people obtain their spouse's written consent - and then the spouse is precluded from disputing it later by the legal principle of estoppel. Estoppel is defined in my law dictionary as a bar to alleging or denying a fact because of one's own previous contrary actions or words.

In the USA, courts in many states (for example New York) specifically accept international divorces. Courts in most others accept them on a case-by-case basis under the principle of comity.

The Social Security Administration and the Veterans Administration are other departments that specifically accept and recognize international divorces. The State Department authorizes and requires US consulates abroad to legalize foreign divorce decrees by granting "full faith and credit" to the signatures of foreign courts. Such legalizations are issued routinely by American embassies in the case of the Caribbean divorces.

Collaborative Divorce or Cooperative Divorce?

Collaborative Divorce or Cooperative Divorce?

"Collaborative divorce" is the new buzz word in family law practice. Its proponents enthuse about better and less costly settlements, greater client satisfaction, fewer accounts receivable, and less stress in the practice of law, than they can achieve through a conventional approach to family law disputes.

 How realistic are these claims? What are the down sides of "collaborative divorce"? Does the concept of "collaborative divorce" present ethical pitfalls and possible malpractice minefields for the unwary practitioner?
Lawyers who participate in the "collaborative divorce" movement use methods borrowed from more established alternative dispute resolution procedures to resolve family law disputes without litigation.

However, unlike more accepted dispute resolution procedures, in "collaborative divorce" the lawyers and their clients agree that they will not engage in formal discovery, will voluntarily disclose information, and will settle the case without court intervention of any kind . They assume a duty to inform the attorney for the other party of errors they note in opposing counsel's legal analysis or understanding of the facts. If they are unable to settle the case, both lawyers must withdraw from representing their respective clients and the estranged spouses must start over with new counsel.


Good Lawyers Routinely Practice Cooperatively
Even the most enthusiastic supporters of "collaborative divorce" concede that the concept of settling cases rather than litigating them is hardly novel. Capable family law practitioners have always directed their effort and creativity toward reaching agreement rather than duking it out in court.

 It isn't news to anyone that litigation is expensive - sometimes prohibitively so - and that the most satisfactory settlements derive from skilled negotiation between capable counsel rather than a court-imposed resolution of disputed issues. How does the idea of "collaborative divorce" differ from what experienced practitioners do as a matter of course?

Courtesy. The commitment of lawyers and parties to treat each other courteously is not a new one. Capable attorneys consistently endeavor to work cooperatively with opposing counsel to identify and value assets, set and meet scheduling deadlines, and otherwise facilitate resolution of the case.

They respect legitimate positions taken by the other party and encourage their clients to be realistic and respectful as well. They are willing and able to compromise, and they are creative in crafting acceptable resolutions of disputed issues. "Collaborative divorce" supporters intimate that their process is unique because lawyers commit that they will not "threaten, insult, intimidate, or demonize" other participants in the divorce process. Good lawyers don't do that now.

 The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, which historically has provided a model for good practice nationally, has promulgated "Bounds of Advocacy" that set a high standard for professional courtesy and cooperation.

Emotional cost. "Collaborative divorce" proponents say their process is designed for parties who don't want to go to war and who don't want "to hate each other for the rest of their lives." This description fits the vast majority of family law clients, including most of those whose cases end up in court.

 Clients almost always care about the emotional cost of adversary proceedings, and about the impact of the divorce action on their children and other family members. To suggest that people who really care will give up the protections provided by court oversight is to do a vast disservice to most of our clients.


Financial cost. "Collaborative divorce" supporters want to reduce the costs of the process by streamlining the discovery process. This also is not a new idea. Good lawyers have always sought to keep formal discovery to a minimum, to share costs of appraisals, to stipulate to values, and to cooperate in other ways to keep costs down. Many experienced practitioners routinely utilize mutually agreed upon short-form interrogatories, four-way meetings, joint telephone or in person conferences with experts, and other such collegial arrangements.


As the above analysis indicates, the goals espoused by "collaborative divorce" lawyers do not differ in degree or in kind from the goal of the vast majority of the family law bar. Most lawyers try a cooperative approach first. Most lawyers agree - and most of their clients concur - that resolution of issues by settlement is preferable to litigation. And in most cases, lawyers and their clients resolve disputed issues by agreement and do not resort to the courts.


The Limits of Collaboration

Despite the most concerted efforts of capable counsel, we all know that not all cases settle, and those that do settle sometimes don't settle easily. All of us have encountered the frustration of the last-minute, courthouse steps agreement, after completion of all the work and stress of trial preparation. Why is it that some cases don't settle until the very last minute, and some cases don't settle at all?


Unsettled Legal Issues. Legitimate reasons to resort to litigation are not always evident at the beginning of a case. Much appellate work involves issues the existence of which - or at least the seriousness of which - did not surface until significant discovery and negotiation had occurred. Where the law is unsettled or where counsel genuinely disagree about the appropriate interpretation and application of the law to the facts of their case, it is not only reasonable but necessary to ask the judge to intervene.

 Cooperative counsel can reduce the complexity and expense of litigation by limiting contested issues, stipulating facts where possible, agreeing in advance to the admission of exhibits, declining to engage in delaying tactics, and other behavior that is both practical and considerate. Lawyers can commit themselves to conduct the proceedings without animosity and can counsel their clients to be courteous to the other side. But the court has the last word on interpreting and applying the law.


Reality Testing. All clients say they want a "fair" result and many of them genuinely mean it. But they may have a very self-absorbed definition of "fair." Many years ago Leonard Loeb, whose wisdom and example have greatly influenced the development of a civilized standard of practice for family law attorneys, pointed out an important truth: "Sometimes the hardest negotiation you have to engage in is the one with your own client." A client who simply cannot see the broader picture despite counsel's best efforts may require the reality therapy of a temporary order hearing, or a pretrial with the judge, or a deadline for responding to formal discovery, in order to be capable of backing down from an unreasonable stance so settlement negotiations can proceed.


Scheduling Orders. We have all represented a left-behind spouse who does everything possible to avoid or at least delay the divorce, or a party who is preoccupied with business affairs or other family problems and just can't get around to dealing with the work and decision-making implicit in the divorce process. If one party would prefer that the marriage continue, or if completing the action is not a priority, the court may need to facilitate progress in the case by issuing a scheduling order and setting deadlines.

Counsel can cooperate by being reasonable and courteous in setting initial deadlines and in agreeing to extensions where necessary. The process need not be - and usually is not - antagonistic.

Financial Disclosure. A client may, deliberately or inadvertently, fail to disclose assets without the rigorous attention to financial detail that formal discovery entails. Surely we have all had the experience of finding forgotten assets when a client produces the records necessary to back up his or her interrogatory answers.

In other circumstances, the client and/or counsel may need the assurance of due diligence in discovery in order to be comfortable with a proposed settlement, especially where the estate is complex or the assets are substantial.


Stability. Then there is the personal factor: divorce presents a significant life crisis for most of our clients, and we see them at their most vulnerable and most needy. The commencement of a divorce action is often accompanied by anxiety, guilt, an danger, and may throw a family into chaos.

 If one party's antagonism toward the other is so overreaching that he or she is unable to proceed rationally and courteously, interim court orders may be the only way to achieve a level of stability that permits collaborative discussion of the long-term issues presented by the case.


In each of the above situations, the legal system provides structure and finality, and often sets the stage for the ultimate negotiated resolution of the matter. Court processes, rather than being an impediment to settlement, often facilitate it.


The Effectiveness of a "Collaborative Divorce" Approach
Do "collaborative divorce" techniques provide an effective response to the above limitations? Unfortunately, they do not.


Reality Testing. A client whose sense of "fair" is out of kilter with that of the other party and the lawyers will defeat the collaborative process, and both sides will have to incur the expense and delay of starting over with new counsel. Reality testing through a temporary order hearing or a pretrial with the judge is not an option in "collaborative divorce." The lawyer representing a difficult client must either advocate for the client's unreasonable position or take a public position adverse to the client's view.

 An attorney cannot ethically make either of these choices, The first is at least arguably frivolous; the second violates the requirement that we advocate diligently for our clients. Proponents of "collaborative divorce" have not provided a solution to this ethical dilemma.


Delay, Expense, and New Counsel. A client who wants to stall progress in a "collaborative divorce" can do so indefinitely, until the court threatens to dismiss the action and the party wishing to proceed must then retain new counsel to request a pretrial. Again, both sides incur the expense and delay of bringing a new attorney up to speed. The attorneys who know the facts and have established rapport with their clients cannot continue to be involved. How can this result benefit anyone?


Diligence. Lack of due diligence in discovery may subject the attorney to a malpractice claim [see Helmbrecht v. St. Paul Ins. Co., 122 Wis.2d 94, 362 N.W. 2d 118 (1985)], may violate the ethical requirement of diligent representation, and may make the client uneasy about signing on the dotted line. In complex cases and cases in which there is a disparity in the spouses' respective familiarity with or involvement in financial affairs, the security of formal discovery is not available to help resolve "collaborative divorces."


Timely and Efficient Court Intervention. If there is sufficient antagonism that experienced counsel are unable to negotiate an agreement, or if one party refuses to comply with an agreement, court intervention is necessary. Under the "collaborative divorce" approach, both lawyers must withdraw just at the time that an attorney who knows the case is most effective.


Malpractice Issues
In collaborative divorce, the parties and their respective lawyers sign a single contract, at least arguably creating obligations of each lawyer to the other attorney as well as to both clients. The collaborative law contract puts each lawyer in privity with both parties and with opposing counsel, creating a basis for contract claims to which an attorney is not exposed in standard practice.

 Moreover, the collaborative divorce contract assumes, though it does not specifically state, that each client completely waives his/her attorney's obligations to maintain client confidentiality and not to inform the other party or lawyer of his/her legal, factual, or strategic errors. Yet, the contractual commitments required for "collaborative divorce" eliminate these obligations and substitute in their place obligations to disclose and to inform that are at least theoretically actionable either as contract claims or negligence (malpractice) claims.
Assume that Attorneys A and B and their clients have agreed to proceed with a "collaborative divorce." Attorney A makes a mistake that disadvantages client A and benefits client B.

 If Attorney B fails (deliberately or negligently) to correct the error, can client A sue Attorney B for malpractice? If Attorney B corrects the error, to his/her own client's detriment, can Client B sue Attorney B for malpractice? Does the existence of a "collaborative divorce" contract provide a defense to malpractice? Does it increase malpractice exposure by permitting each party to sue both lawyers?


If, unknown to Attorney A, Client A fails to provide full financial disclosure and thus disadvantages Client B, can Client B sue Attorney A for malpractice? Can Client B sue Attorney B for failing to take steps to discover the omission? Can Client A sue either or both of the attorneys for malpractice if the nondisclosure was inadvertent and would have been discovered through standard formal discovery, and if the effect of the error is that the judgment is vacated and litigated with new counsel with Client A held liable for Client B's additional costs?


If Attorney A fails to spot an issue that would likely be resolved in Client A's favor, does Attorney B have a duty to raise the issue? If Attorney B fails to do so, can Client A sue Attorney B for malpractice? If Attorney B raises the issue, can Client B sue Attorney B for malpractice?


Have you notified your insurance carrier? How will you pay for breach of contract litigation and possible judgments against you that your malpractice insurance does not cover?

"Collaborative Divorce" May Increase the Cost of Divorce

"Collaborative divorce" is marketed as a cost-saver for clients, but is it really? We all know that settlement is less costly than litigation. The issue is not whether "collaborative divorce" is less expensive than litigation, but whether it permits participants to spend less than they would if they employed more conventional settlement approaches. Most lawyers try informal discovery first and proceed to interrogatories or requests for document production or depositions only where informal attempts have failed or where the information provided is suspect.

 Most lawyers schedule contested trials only after repeated attempts to arrive at negotiated settlements. Most lawyers genuinely believe that better and more creative settlements can be achieved through negotiation and creative planning rather than through a court-imposed resolution. Virtually no good lawyer chooses litigation as the first and best option.