Showing posts with label childrens. Show all posts
Showing posts with label childrens. Show all posts

A Default Divorce Takes Power Away From The Unresponsive Spouse ?

A Default Divorce Takes Power Away From The Unresponsive Spouse ?

Some spouses involved in a marital dissolution mistakenly believe that if they choose not to sign their court forms or opt to disappear altogether, the other spouse won't be able to get a divorce as a result and the two will remain married for the long haul.


Luckily for the spouse who does the filing for divorce, the family law court has recognized that this particular scenario occurs quite often.

And, there is even a name for it.

The term that describes this divorce situation is coined the "default divorce."
As such, a law has been implemented to allow the divorce process to continue regardless if the opposing spouse makes the choice to ignore the paperwork that has been served upon him or her.


A law as strict as they come, the divorce court and presiding divorce judge will penalize an unresponsive spouse by taking away his or her privileges during divorce.

What does this mean for the uncooperative party?
The spouse who opened up the divorce case will receive everything he or she has asked for when it comes to aspects such as property division, child support and/or spousal support amounts, and custody and visitation schedules for any minor children born of the marriage.

Meanwhile, the court views a lack of response as that spouse's way of saying he or she does not care how the dissolution proceeds.

The phrase "be careful what you wish for" fits amply into the mix at this juncture.
By not providing a response, the indifferent spouse is given exactly what he or she has requested - absolutely no further rights or participation in the case, and the subsequent inability to make any kind of marital decision thereafter before the final judgment for divorce is granted by the judge.

However, it is important to note that a default divorce is not as simple as one spouse choosing to become scarce or not to sign the papers, and the other spouse receiving all that is asked for as a result.

Although the family law courts have come up with the default method to allow divorces to become final regardless of an unresponsive opposing party, there are still many steps the petitioning spouse must take before the default judgment is granted.

For example, the spouse who originally filed the case has to show proof to the court that an attempt was made to get in touch with the other party.

This is done by publishing an ad containing a copy of the divorce summons. The publishing is done in the local paper belonging to the city where the contemptuous party was last known to have resided.
But before the ad goes to print, an application for permission to publish it must first be filed with the court.
Known as an ex parte application and filed without notice to the other party (hence the name 'ex parte,'), the "Ex Parte Application For Publication Of Summons" form makes the court aware that the petitioning spouse is planning on using this method to try and get in contact with the other party and alert him or her to the court action at hand.


Filed along with the Ex Parte Application For Publication Of Summons is the "Declaration In Support Thereof" and the "Order For Publication Of Summons."

When these documents have been approved by the judge, the petitioning spouse can then go ahead with publication of the ad containing the divorce summons.

The ad must run for four consecutive weeks, with a period of at least five days between each publication, to give the responding party plenty of notice that he or she is being sued for divorce.

And if that spouse still ignores the pending court action, the petitioning spouse can then move forward in obtaining a default judgment.

What else is involved in the process of obtaining a default divorce judgment?
In a normal divorce proceeding where each party will sign the documents, the next step would be to sign and notarize the Marital Settlement Agreement.

Divorce and Child Depression - Are They Related !

Divorce and Child Depression - Are They Related !

Divorce and child depression may very well go hand in hand as parental separation and divorce can be totally devastating for children and teenagers.


Major life changing events are usually the cause of depression, with divorce topping the scale for children and teen depression. Imagine how hard it is to watch the two people you love the most no longer living and guiding you together as it was. With the family unit broken, lives turned upside down you may have to watch for the onset of child depression.


Children and teens often feel stuck in the middle of their parents divorce and not understanding the new rules to which apply to their new lives. They have a very hard time excepting the realism of divorce and finality that comes with the termination of a marriage.


Every persons reaction and coping mechanisms are different. While many children will handle this new situation with relatively few problems or permanent negative effects while for others, the act of divorce can be very traumatic and long-lived.


The trauma created by divorce is determined by the child's experience of the event, not simply the event itself. Every child in the family could have a dramatically different emotional reaction to the changes related to divorce. Some children believe that they caused the breakdown of the marriage.


Your attitude and coping skills will shape your children's attitude. The words and actions you choose can either expose your children to unnecessary emotional pain or help them develop in positive ways.
Depression and anxiety may start at the separation by my occur for years after the divorce. It may also reoccur during special events, weekends, holidays, birthdays or any time your child misses the complete family unit.


Here are some steps to decrease the chance of your divorce and child depression

1. Honesty is the best policy: Be honest with yourself about the potential for emotional trauma in your individual children.

2. Communication: Allow your children to communicate openly with each parent.

3. Choices: By offering your children choices, whenever possible, will increase their sense of control over their lives.

4. Support: Get the proper support for yourself and your children, It may differ for each individual.

5. Normal Activities: By keeping life as normal as you can with the same routine, same activities.

There is nothing more agonizing in divorce than seeing the effect it has on your child? Even though the marriage ending may be a good thing the result it has on children can still be devastating. Learning ways to help your children cope with the negative long and short term effects of separation and divorce can help to prevent depression and decrease the effects of divorce and child depression.

Faye B. Roberts is an independent researcher and author on depression and divorce and is assisting others in their quest to understand the chain reaction this can cause. Discover a new way of thinking and coping with divorce and depression that will change the way you look, feel and live your life.

The Impact of Divorce on Families !

The Impact of Divorce on Families !

As a licensed mental health professional, I work with many individuals, couples, and families who are affected by divorce. I see the devastating effects that breakups can have and am dedicated to helping people develop the skills to cope with experiences like divorce.

Major Disruptions
The decision to divorce causes major changes in the lives of all family members. Some upheaval is inevitable. The main trouble areas are:

1. Financial: Money becomes a huge problem for most people. The cost of a divorce is extremely high, and two households cost more than one.

2. Career: Being less focused at work and spending time away from the job for divorce-related appointments takes its toll.

3. Logistics: Running your home is more difficult because you no longer have a partner to help with daily chores.

4. Emotional: Most people have periods of depression, sadness, anger, and fatigue.
Lots of Feelings


People who are experiencing the breakup of their marriage can expect to have a wide variety of feelings. Some call it "the crazy time" and there is even a book about divorce with this title. The following complaints are common:

• Poor concentration
• Nightmares
• Sleep problems
• Fatigue
• Mood swings
• Feeling tense
• Nausea
• Gaining/losing weight
• Feeling nervous
• Somatic complaints


Divorce profoundly affects children. In Surviving the Breakup, author Judith Wallerstein describes the experience of 60 divorcing families. She outlines the following key issues for children of divorcing families:
Fear: Divorce is frightening to children, and they often respond with feelings of anxiety. Children feel more vulnerable after a divorce because their world has become less reliable.


Fear of abandonment: One-third of the children in Wallerstein's study feared that their mother would abandon them.

Confusion: The children in divorcing families become confused about their relationships with their parents. They see their parents' relationship fall apart and sometimes conclude that their own relationship with one or both parents could dissolve, as well.

Sadness and yearning: More than half of the children in the Wallerstein study were openly tearful and sad in response to the losses they experienced. Two-thirds expressed yearning, for example: "We need a daddy. We don't have a daddy."

Worry: In Wallerstein's study, many children expressed concern about one or both of their parents' ability to cope with their lives. They wondered if their parents were emotionally stable and able to make it on their own.

Over half of the children expressed deep worries about their mothers. They witnessed their mothers' mood swings and emotional reactions to the events in the family. Some children worried about suicide and accidents.

Feeling rejected: Many children who experience a parent moving out of the home feel rejected by the parent. The parent is usually preoccupied with problems and pays less attention to the child than in the past. Many children take this personally and feel rejected and unlovable.


Loneliness: Since both parents are preoccupied with their problems during the divorce process, they are less able to fulfill their parenting roles with their children. The children may feel like their parents are slipping away from them. If the father has moved away and the mother has gone off to work, the children often feel profound loneliness.


Divided loyalties: The children may (accurately) perceive that the parents are in a battle with each other. The children feel pulled in both directions and may resolve the dilemma by siding with one parent against another.
Anger: Children in divorcing families experience more aggression and anger. It is often directed toward the parents, expressed in tantrums, irritability, resentment, and verbal attacks.

 Many children see the divorce as a selfish act and feel very resentful about the resulting destruction of their lives.
More than one-third of the children in Judith Wallerstein's study showed acute depressive symptoms such as sleeplessness, restlessness, difficulty in concentrating, deep sighing, feelings of emptiness, compulsive overeating, and various somatic complaints.

The symptoms that many children may have during the divorce process either moderate or disappear within 18 months after the breakup. Of the symptoms that remain, the most common are:

1. Manipulative behavior was reported by about 20% of the teachers of the children in Wallerstein's study.

2. Depression was diagnosed in 25% of the children and adolescents. The symptoms of depression in children include:

• Low self-esteem
• Inability to concentrate
• Sadness
• Mood swings
• Irritability
• Secretiveness
• Isolation
• Self-blame
• Eating disorders
• Behaving perfectly
• Being accident-prone
• Stealing
• Skipping school
• Underachieving at school
• Sexual acting out
You should consider finding a therapist to work with if most of the time you feel:
• Alone
• Depressed
• Numb
• Exhausted
• Isolated
• Hopeless
• Overwhelmed by your children
• Overwhelmed by your feelings
• You are sleeping too much or too little
• Worried
• Anxious
• Afraid


Garrett Coan, MSW, LCSW is Founder and Director of the Center for Creative Counseling, a team of expert and licensed therapists and coaches providing phone and internet counseling services to clients throughout the United States and worldwide.

Divorce in America - Why?

Divorce in America - Why?

In American Society, people want only what is good for themselves, even if it's not the best for someone else. Society has changed from the importance of family to the importance of me. Statistics on marriage and divorce show that Americans have gotten lazier and more self-absorbed.

 This may explain why the U.S. has the highest divorce rate and the highest rate of solo parenting in the Western world. People have the attitude, "If the marriage doesn't work, I can get a divorce," because it's easier to fill out paperwork than to put in the time and effort to make the marriage work.

While there are many different reasons for divorce, a few are common: poor communication, financial issues, lack of commitment, infidelity and a change in priorities. With the exception of financial issues, the reasons point to the selfish attitude of one or more people in the relationship.

 Communication is only a problem when someone doesn't want to listen. Commitment to the marriage requires work and compromise, words that are not found in the lazy, egotistical American dictionary. Sneaking out on a spouse to be fulfilled by someone else is not only dishonest, but selfish. People that cheat are looking for a quick fix to make themselves happier all while disregarding the feelings of their partner. Changing priorities is also a quick fix.

People who give up on marriage feel that it can't be changed for the better, so they concentrate on changing something else in their lives, like concentrating on work or a new hobby. Having something else to concentrate their energy on creates temporary happiness and a way to escape the troubles at home.


According to The State of Our Unions, 2005, marriages have declined 50% from 1970, because more people are choosing cohabitation, or living together without a legal commitment, over marriage. Marriage is being replaced by cohabitation because it requires less of a commitment. Cohabitating couples have twice the breakup rate of married couples because there is less reason to work on the relationship.

 With cohabitation people don't have to worry about the legal repercussions of divorce and leaving is as easy as packing. Studies have proved that cohabitating before marriage increases the chances of divorce up to 85%, so even if live-in couples eventually marry, it is likely that they will divorce.
 
Parents don't take the needs of their children into consideration over their own needs as often as they should. 40% of cohabitating couples bring children into the relationship, creating less stability for the children and teaching them that relationships don't require commitment. Children from divorce are more likely to develop social problems and their grades are 20% lower than students living with both parents.

The U.S. has the lowest number of children who grow up with both biological parents among Western nations, 63%.

Society should value family over the individual. The American attitude needs to be changed because commitment and responsibility are becoming second to personal needs.

 If people thought of "us" more then "me," there would be more happy marriages. People need to accept that relationships take time and work, not only for themselves, but for the well-being of their children.

 

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