My Boyfriend Doesn't Want To Get Married Again Because Of His Nasty Divorce - What Can I Do?

I sometimes hear from women who are in love with a man who has previously gone through a nasty divorce. This has often left him scarred and not too anxious to walk down the aisle again. And this can be an issue when the new woman in his life wants to be married.

I heard from a wife who said: "I've met a wonderful man and we are compatible in nearly every way. We have endless fun together and I am very happy. I can easily envision myself spending the rest of my life with this man. I love his children as much as I love him. The only problem that we have is our view on marriage. He divorced his first wife 14 months ago. It was a nasty divorce where they fought over custody of the kids.

 It ended up being very expensive and drastically changing his lifestyle because of money. He says that he will never get married again because he never wants there to even be a slight chance that he will go through another divorce. He says he'd never put his family through that again. Well, where does that leave me? I've never been married and I want that family and that security. But he's doing his best to make it clear that marriage is out of the question. I can't bear the thought of walking away from him. What can I do?"

I could feel the raw emotion in this letter. It seemed clear that this couple was a sound match. And the fact that there was only that one issue between them was sad, but certainly not something that couldn't be worked through. As I saw it, there were really two options. She could decide that his reluctance to get married again would be a deal breaker for her because she didn't want to waste valuable time on a potential dead end.

 Or, she could vow to give this some time and then reevaluate her feelings on this issue at a later time, knowing that things can change. I will tell you why I like the second option better.

Why Giving Him More Time Makes More Sense: Frankly, it's my belief that perfect matches with someone who puts butterflies in your stomach is rare. Having a strong relationship with someone with whom you share the same outlook is even more rare. And yet, she had both of these in one man.

Sure, his reluctance to marry again was problematic and she was right to be upset. But the truth is, 14 months is not very long when your family life is turned upside down. Everyone needed time to adjust and to heal. And with time, once he saw that every one came out of the situation just fine, he may well change his mind.

It's very common for people to change their stance on things once the immediacy of the situation wanes. In time, the husband would likely not dwell so much about how his last marriage ended. He might start to remember the good that came out of it - namely, his children. Once this happened, it was possible that he might be more open to marrying again, but there is no need to rush.

This relationship, though wonderful, wasn't all that mature. So it made sense to stay the course and to continue to strengthen the relationship in order to calm his fears and doubts. Because at the end of the day, what this woman wanted was a healthy and happy marriage (and possibly a family of her own.) She made this much more likely if she gave him the time to heal and allowed for their relationship to be as solid as it could possibly be.

I know that it's tempting to rush him or pressure him, but much of the time, this will make him back away even more. You are so much better off making your relationship so good that he no longer has any doubts because he wants to give his entire heart to you when he has healed enough to do this without any doubts or reservations.

SIX Tips for a Happy Married Life ?

I am sad to see many failed marriages. People are busy. They try to emulate others. They compare their spouse with their family members and friends and thereby kill the uniqueness of their relation. Here are few suggestions to fuel your marriage to happiness and make it long-lasting.

1. Uniqueness - As a couple, you must be aware that you are a special and unique. Your story is unique. Your circumstances and experiences are unique. Opportunities and threats for your relation will be unique too. Your relation is a journey. Live through every moment. Don't try to emulate experiences of your siblings, parents and friends. They have their own journey, which is different from yours.

2. Time - No matter how busy you are, take some time out for each other. "I don't have time" or "I am busy with office work" does not work.

3. Individuality - As a couple, you will often be considered as a single unit. However, remember that you two are different individuals and have different identity. There can be disagreement. There can be difference of opinion. It is these differences of opinions that gives strength to your relation and provide the uniqueness. Unfortunately, you didn't marry your clone. Between two of you have space to accommodate these differences. Before you love accept each other as an individual. 

4. Communication - Doesn't matter what medium you decide to choose but communicate as often as possible. Silence is a language too but in this era, it is not as effective as it used to be. Communicate to kill rumours. Communicate to dissolve misunderstandings. Communicate to destroy gossips. If you will not communicate, others will, not for you but about you. Your spouse must be aware of everything about you that can affect the present and future of your relation.

5. Love & Respect - Love is strength of your relation. Love each other without reason. Don't look for occasions to express your love. Express it anyways, all the time. Your love is a reason for your family (next generation); your family is not a reason for your love. It is sad to hear people saying that they are living together for the future of their kids and not because they are in love with each other.

6. Trust - Trust each other and stay loyal. Trust and loyalty are glues that keep the relation together. If you cannot trust one another then you cannot live together, doesn't matter who much you love each other. Love without trust is false and unreal.

Long and happy marriage is not a destination. It is work-in-progress. It requires sincere and honest effort from both the individuals involved in it. Living together shall not be a social responsibility. It must not be a fear. It must not be a compulsion or a duty. It must be passion. It must be fun and enjoyment. And more importantly, it must help you grow - together and individually.

What to Do When Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Get Married ?

It can be emotionally devastating to discover your boyfriend does not want to get married. When it happened to me, I felt extremely confused. Here is what I did to get myself out of the mess, and what I advise you to do too...

Get clear which is more important to you - being married or being with your boyfriend.

Here is the story of how I discovered the power of being clear about what I want...

My relationship nearly ended when I was eager to marry my boyfriend, but he kept making excuses not to get married. Instead of trying to manipulate my boyfriend into changing his mind, I decided to just get clear which was more important to me - being with him or being married. After a few days of thought, I decided that being married was much more important to me than being with a boyfriend who did not want to get married. That is when I told my boyfriend that if he was not going to marry me, we would have to break up. 

I let him know that being married was important to me and that I understood if he did not feel ready. I told him I had to do what is right for me. Because I spoke from a place of power, without the need to blame him, he reconsidered his position and we are now making plans to get married!

Why is it important to be clear about what you want?

Your boyfriend knows his stand on marriage. In order to negotiate, you need to know where your stand is too. The person with the lesser need has more power to negotiate. You can't get what you want unless you are clear about what it is. Being clear about what you want gives you the courage to stay or walk away from this relationship if you have to.

What is the danger of not being clear?

There is confusion. You feel helpless and lost. There is no light at the end of the tunnel. You feel upset, yet you don't know why. This is frustrating for your boyfriend too. Worse still, if you are not clear about what you want, you could end up arguing with your boyfriend for the sake of arguing.

 Until you are clear about what you want, you can't make a decision about what to do next in your relationship. Your relationship continues but your heart does not feel safe within it. Instead of having fun with your boyfriend, you are worried about the future of your relationship.

So get clear about which is more important to you - being married or being with your boyfriend. You will know what to do next from there...

Signs That He is Married - 10 Signs That Your Boyfriend is Lying to You?

Are you dating a married man? Learn to spot the tell tell signs of someone lying

Is your date giving you signs that he is married or is being unfaithful to another girlfriend? Is he giving you signals that make you think that he's lying to you? Is there a perfectly innocent explanation for your boyfriends behaviour or is he cheating on someone and lying to you?

Dating someone new can be a great experience but you won't be abe to get the most out of a new relationship until you've made sure that your boyfriend is being honest with you and that he isn't keeping any secrets like the fact that he's married. To do this you need to follow the following 2 steps:

• Step 1. Learn how to spot that someone is lying or trying to keep a secret from you.
• Step 2. Do a background check on your boyfriend to fill in the facts.

Step 1. How to spot the signs cheating boyfriends

Really take notice of what your boyfriend does and what he says. Does any of the following 10 signs of a lying boyfriend sound familiar to you?

1. He ends an Internet chat with you abruptly as if his partner has just walked in.
2. He doesn't want to give you his home phone number.
3. He doesn't want you to visit him at his home.
4. He has a wedding ring - what a giveaway - If you spot this one he's not very bright.
5. Your intuition tells you that something is wrong? Women are right most of the time.
6. Sometimes his stories just don't add up. Compare what he tells you on different occasions.
7. Ask him if he's married and see if he becomes uncomfortable or has trouble answering.
8. He's secretive.
9. There seems to be a lot of times when he can't meet you for no apparent reason.
10. There are some places that you can't go together.

If you recognize any of the signs above then you have cause to be concerned but you must be careful not to jump to conclusions. He might be being secretive because he's planning a romantic occasion for your birthday for instance. You need to get some proof before you put your foot in it and wreck what could have been the start of something special.

Step 2. Find out if he's married by doing an online background check

Even if you don't suspect that your boyfriend is lying it's always a good idea to find out something about his background. He might not be married but he might have a criminal record that he hasn't mentioned to you. The easiest way to find out if he's married or if he has any other secrets that you don't know about is to do a full online background check on him using a public records database. It's easy and quick and it will be well worth your investment just for the peace of mind that you'll get.

Getting Married? 104 Things You Need to Do Before You Get Married, If You Don't Want to Get Divorced!

We spend time, money and spirit on planning a wedding.. It's time to plan for a successful and healthy relationship by preparing and getting to know ourselves, the person we are marrying and who we will be as a couple for the rest of our lives.

For You

1. Ask several people, who you are close with, about how they felt when they were about to get married
2. Go to dinner on your own...and don't bring a book
3. Write your own eulogy.
4. Do something you never thought you would do
5. Write down 10 lessons that you've learned in life so far
6. Make a vision board of how you see your life in 5 yrs and 10yrs
7. Rekindle a relationship that meant something to you
8. Travel to another country on your own
9. Go on a trip with your friends
10. Figure out your boundaries limits and deal breakers
11. Decide your what your definition of marriage is (forever or until it doesn't work)
12. Figure out what will change for you once you get married (your name, where you live
13. Decide what marriage is to you (a religious stage or legal status)
14. Spend time with your partners family and friends with out them
15. Make time for yourself and to spend time with your friends
16. Get in shape
17. Eat well if you don't already
18. Stay in bed all day and night reading, watching tv or what ever you like to do in bed
19. Go over health insurance, legal papers and will
20. Pay off as much debt as you can
21. Come to terms with what you feel about alcohol, drugs and smoking
22. Consider not marrying this person and see how it feels
23. Do a wine tasting
24. Attend at least 5 seminars, workshops or classes about love, sex, relationships, marriage or all of the above
25. Join a sports team or do yoga
26. Spend one whole day pampering yourself
27. Take an art class
28. Find your passion
29. Masturbate until orgasm
30. Watch porn or go to a strip club
31. Commit to improving something about yourself every day
32. Ask your friends and family how they feel about who you decided to marry
33. Make a commitment to be true to who you are
34. Wake up every day and say "love _____ and I love my life"

For your partner

1. Give them the last bite of a great dessert
2. Listen more than you speak
3. Reiterate what he/she tells you in your own words to make sure you understood what they meant
4. Accentuate their positive qualities
5. Talk about things you know they're interested in
6. Ask them how their day was
7. Greet them with a smile and a kiss
8. Ask you're in-laws permission to marry their son/daughter
9. Remind your partner daily about all their positive attributes
10. Take care to look in your partners eyes when they are talking to you
11. Commit to doing whatever it takes to please your partner sexually
12. Always take your partners opinion into consideration
13. Ask your partner what he/she would like to do before the marriage and help him/her do it
14. Steal moments
15. Plan a romantic date
16. Plan an adventurous date
17. Tell your partner about any health issues you may have
18. Ask your partner about the things that trigger anger in them
19. Decide to never disrespect your partner (especially in front of others)
20. Realize that there are just some things your partner does that you won't understand
21. Ask your partner to share a meaningful childhood experience with you
22. Ask your partner to share a scary experience from childhood with you
23. Balance humility with confidence
24. Have phone sex
25. Talk dirty in bed
26. Whisper in their ear how lucky you are to have them in your life while out with friends/family
27. Whisper in their ear, in public how sexy they look and what you're going to do to them when you get home
28. Talk to their friend when they are upset or need a shoulder to cry on
29. Confide in your partner about important decisions
30. Help them accomplish something they never thought they could
31. Learn how to cook their favorite meal
32. Get them to try something they never thought they would
33. Make yourself available when they are upset (no matter what)
34. Surprise them with a gift or flowers for no reason
35. Do that thing you promised you would do, but haven't got to.

Sexual Seduction Techniques - How to Get Married Women in Bed!

Many men are looking to seduce married women. This is not surprising since there are a number of challenge and a great deal of intrigue involved. The rewards of success can be far greater than any single woman. Certainly the sheer exhilaration of success in this area will make the additional challenge worth it.

In many ways, married women are no different from any other woman. They still have the same needs: The need to feel loved, cared for, and appreciated. Where the seducer may have an advantage in seducing married women is in how he can demonstrate to her that he can fulfill those needs. She needs to know that it is a two way street and that it is about her also.

Make no mistake about it, however, to be successful in this area, your game will have to be advanced. This is very different from just trying to get the attention of some young woman in a bar. Married women are far more apt to be in public places, in earshot of passers-by, and quite possibly her children.

Here are a few tips that you can use right now:

Find a discrete moment. You know very well that she does not want to be noticed talking to someone who is not her husband, and if you are not discrete about it, people will notice.

Let her know that it would just be a one time thing. Chances are, she does not want to ruin her marriage, she only wants a momentary distraction.

Begin with a simple, non- sexual complement. If she has been married for any length of time, I can assure you, she doesn't hear that anymore.

If you want to be successful at seducing women, then you will need to be in control of every female encounter.

The Role of a Married Woman !

A married woman is one who has settled in wedlock. This means that they have a husband and in many cases, children who then make up a family. A married woman is not free to see or date other men because she is dedicated and committed to one husband.

 The institution of marriage started a very long time ago and, it is the most recognized unit that makes up society. Married women behave in a certain way so that they can live up to their marital status. However, there are many women who get married but never really know what it means. Therefore, it is paramount that you know exactly what your restrictions are and how to be your best. 

First, a married woman has to recognize her role in society and in the family. She has the role of being a companion to the husband. Therefore, when you get married, you are taking a deliberate step to be the closest friend to your husband. It is very exciting having a wife who is your helper at all times.

However, the definition of helper has since changed. Modern wives will not participate directly in helping their husband. However, this help is physical, emotional and psychological. There are so many women who perform the role perfectly but, it is not always easy to do this. A married woman needs to forget about her single life and concentrate on her married life. Many find that marriage is not what they thought it would be and,

they find themselves back in their single mentality. After wedlock, all the priorities of a woman change to ensure that the husband comes first. This is the only way you are going to achieve great results in marriage. All married women need to know that marriage is a beginning and, there is a lot of hard work that will determine everyday success. Therefore, the first role is to change your attitude and make sure that you enter a marriage mode. The next thing you will find is responsibility. You are responsible for the upkeep of both your husband and children if any.

You will have to cut some relationships and strive to arrive home earlier than you did when you were single. The best way to learn the roles that are upon you is to have a chat with older women like your mother and grandmother. If you have problems, seek their advice and, know how you can improve. Times may have changed but we need the wisdom of people who excelled in marriage.

 The first years of marriage prove to be very difficult for a woman but as you proceed you will get used to it. Like you enter into a new hobby or interest, it will take some time before you adjust. When you make it through the first two years, you will definitely master some of the things that pertain to a marriage. Always be a student when married and you will find yourself improving on areas that would have otherwise been very difficult for you.